The Art of "Stopping by"
I have a friend named Cynthia.
I love and miss Cynthia.
She lives in Texas, but I still get to talk to her every so often. While I lived in Texas, she became my teacher. I learned cookie making, correct vacuuming, pottery collecting, how to serve someone who doesn't want to be served, how to say no to things I really didn't want to do, and my favorite: the quickly fading art of "stopping by".
You know, "I just stopped by to pick this up/ drop this off/ use your restroom/ kill 10 minutes before my next stop."
Not many people do it here. Maybe they're worried they're imposing. Maybe they think I won't kick them out if I need to. Maybe they like to live in a cave. I've had friends tell me I couldn't come in their house because it was too messy. Seriously. "Stopping by" just isn't done. I haven't figured out why, but I'm trying to bring it into fashion.
The only problem: You can't just stop by. It's an art.
Cynthia is a master. She would come by, unannounced, at any given decent hour, sometimes with no specific purpose. Sometimes it was, "I was just dropping off something down the street at so-and-so's and thought I would see how you are." It was lovely. She didn't care if my house was a mess. If she came and saw me lying on the couch, watching a movie, she'd join me. If I had a purse over my arm and a baby on my hip, she'd help me to the car. If I was cleaning the kitchen, she would grab a broom and sweep while we talked or fold all my towels. If I had company, she would say, "Oh, I just came to get a drink of water." and excuse herself effortlessly. No one was ever uncomfortable.
See, here's the key: She would gather clues. Is this person I'm surprising really busy? Does she need help? Is she on her way out? Does she keep saying, "Well, it was nice of you to stop by" and really wants me to leave?
I knew her well enough to be able to say, "Okay, I gotta really get serious about my afternoon list, but I'll stop by your house later (today, this week, whatever)."
And I would.
I miss stopping by her house.
I miss her stopping by mine.
My good friend, Julie, "stopped by" my house today. I was so excited. She came by to pick up some artwork but ended up staying for a couple of hours. Her boy played with mine and his already play-dating friend, we all had snacks, and I roped Julie into helping me on my project. It was a perfect day to be "stopped in" on, but I know if it had been crazy, I could have told her to scram and she'd be just fine with it.
I hope this means "stopping by" is making a comeback.
I love and miss Cynthia.
She lives in Texas, but I still get to talk to her every so often. While I lived in Texas, she became my teacher. I learned cookie making, correct vacuuming, pottery collecting, how to serve someone who doesn't want to be served, how to say no to things I really didn't want to do, and my favorite: the quickly fading art of "stopping by".
You know, "I just stopped by to pick this up/ drop this off/ use your restroom/ kill 10 minutes before my next stop."
Not many people do it here. Maybe they're worried they're imposing. Maybe they think I won't kick them out if I need to. Maybe they like to live in a cave. I've had friends tell me I couldn't come in their house because it was too messy. Seriously. "Stopping by" just isn't done. I haven't figured out why, but I'm trying to bring it into fashion.
The only problem: You can't just stop by. It's an art.
Cynthia is a master. She would come by, unannounced, at any given decent hour, sometimes with no specific purpose. Sometimes it was, "I was just dropping off something down the street at so-and-so's and thought I would see how you are." It was lovely. She didn't care if my house was a mess. If she came and saw me lying on the couch, watching a movie, she'd join me. If I had a purse over my arm and a baby on my hip, she'd help me to the car. If I was cleaning the kitchen, she would grab a broom and sweep while we talked or fold all my towels. If I had company, she would say, "Oh, I just came to get a drink of water." and excuse herself effortlessly. No one was ever uncomfortable.
See, here's the key: She would gather clues. Is this person I'm surprising really busy? Does she need help? Is she on her way out? Does she keep saying, "Well, it was nice of you to stop by" and really wants me to leave?
I knew her well enough to be able to say, "Okay, I gotta really get serious about my afternoon list, but I'll stop by your house later (today, this week, whatever)."
And I would.
I miss stopping by her house.
I miss her stopping by mine.
My good friend, Julie, "stopped by" my house today. I was so excited. She came by to pick up some artwork but ended up staying for a couple of hours. Her boy played with mine and his already play-dating friend, we all had snacks, and I roped Julie into helping me on my project. It was a perfect day to be "stopped in" on, but I know if it had been crazy, I could have told her to scram and she'd be just fine with it.
I hope this means "stopping by" is making a comeback.
posted by Alison at 9:17 PM
6 Comments:
Lovely post.
I love the "stopping by" habit & I miss it from the city, too. Please come stop by my place any time!
Wow...you got a comment from my mom. That's impressive!
I also think this is a lovely post. I should be better at stopping by. I think I'll practice my detective skillz.
Cynthia is a special one. And I, too, miss people "stopping by." Heck, I miss people. :)
Perhaps you can teach someone else the art of "stopping by."
Yes! i love it. I'd love to "stop-by" all the time in the city, but I don't know if I've figured out how to do it so gracefully. Cynthia is an inspiration to us all!
I LOVE stopping by. And you are right, no one does it. I feel like I am imposing when I do. And truthfully, sometimes I dread the thought of someone just stopping by my house because my house IS a mess, I have no bra on, and my make-up looks like I'm in the band KISS from a night of restless sleep and not washing my face. But truth be told. I still love a good "stop by." Remember when you stopped by and chatted while I cleaned my cabinets? A chore that needed to be done and was so much more fun because I had someone there to talk to while I scrubbed.
Sweet post. Made my day. Stop by when you guys are feeling better! We miss you.
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